WHEN ANIMALS AND DRIVERS ATTACK
This is an old blog that I had originally posted on MySpace (originally dated 07.13.05), but decided to repost it here because it was good. Enjoy!
Around my neighborhood in shitty old Florissant, MO on residential streets are signs posted near speed limit signs that say 'Keep Kids Alive-Drive 25'. I agree with this to a certain extent. Yes, drivers should be careful in residential areas and should keep the speed down. It's also not cool to run over a small child in a car. But we could similarly post signs in the yards of houses with kids that say 'Keep Kids Alive-Don't Let Them Run Around In The Fucking Street'. Doesn't rhyme as well, but what can you do?
Really though, think about it this way. Would you let your children play around at a construction site? No, of course not. They'd be playing on concrete or asphalt, first off. Concrete or asphalt that is most likely strewn with bits of glass or at least small, sharp, pointy rocks. Not to mention there are giant machines made of metal and glass moving around all over the place on this concrete or asphalt and these machines are filled with gasoline! How dangerous is that?! Well guess what. That's an exact description of any road in the world. At least at a construction site, trained professionals, people who know what the fuck they’re doing, operate the giant machines. You play in a residential street and you've got machines piloted by amateurs. These amateurs are talking on cell phones, changing CDs, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes (often all at the same time) while piloting these ton-and-a-half hunks of gasoline-filled metal and glass around the very place where you let your kids play...on hard asphalt covered with sharp rocks. The hard asphalt's sole purpose, by the way, is to direct and accommodate these dangerous, shoddily piloted machines. Cars are supposed to be in the road. Children are not.
Yeah I went off on a tangent there, but those signs just reminded me of another reason why humans are so stupid. You have to go through a thorough training program and ace a test to get a license to operate a crane or a bulldozer. Plus, at most jobs, you have to be at least eighteen to operate a piece of heavy equipment like a forklift. But they'll just hand out a license to anyone who can wing it behind the wheel of a car and who's over sixteen. Let me tell you, sixteen is the age when most teenagers start to realize that they are right and their parents are wrong about everything and so learn the American pastime of drinking alcohol. I'm sure you all know where this leads. Humans are stupid.
Oh that reminds me of another crazy thing we've come up with. I should save this for another day, but I have to do it now. Has everyone heard about the epidemic of shark attacks recently? Apparently, a few people at beaches have been injured or killed by sharks. So, what do we wacky humans do? We came up with shark repellant! No, that's not a joke. I know it sounds like one, but it's for real. Sharks will stay away from an area where they can smell a dead shark. Scientists have isolated the component of the scent of dead sharks that will deter live sharks. It is hoped that a commercial shark repellant will hit the market by summer next year.
IT'S NOT OURS!! THE OCEAN IS NOT OURS!! The last time I checked, humans live on land! Okay, we like to play in the water every now and then, but we have to realize THERE ARE SHARKS IN THE WATER!! Making a commercially available shark repellant is like blaming a driver for the death of a kid who ran out in the middle of the street. If you don't want to get hit by a car, stay out of the road. If you don't want to get attacked by a shark, stay out of the ocean! THAT'S WHERE THE SHARKS ARE!!
I just heard this story a while ago...I don't know if anyone heard about this, it wasn't in the news or anything...but there was this little amphibian-like species (can't think of the name) that usually lived in the ocean and it breathed oxygen through the water. Then, all of a sudden, one of them jumped up onto the land and started breathing oxygen through the air. This was about 3 billion years ago or so. Since then, we have developed things like boats, bridges, cities on land masses, lungs...all so we can stay out of the water. Do you know why those little amphibian creatures came out of the water in the first place all those billions of years ago? BECAUSE THERE WERE SHARKS IN THE WATER!! Too many sharks were eating them, so they came onto the land to get away from them. No other animal in the world goes into the ocean for fun, not with the frequency and pompous attitude of humans. It took nature 3 billion years to come up with an animal dumb enough to go back into the ocean. Humans are stupid. I rest my case.
Around my neighborhood in shitty old Florissant, MO on residential streets are signs posted near speed limit signs that say 'Keep Kids Alive-Drive 25'. I agree with this to a certain extent. Yes, drivers should be careful in residential areas and should keep the speed down. It's also not cool to run over a small child in a car. But we could similarly post signs in the yards of houses with kids that say 'Keep Kids Alive-Don't Let Them Run Around In The Fucking Street'. Doesn't rhyme as well, but what can you do?
Really though, think about it this way. Would you let your children play around at a construction site? No, of course not. They'd be playing on concrete or asphalt, first off. Concrete or asphalt that is most likely strewn with bits of glass or at least small, sharp, pointy rocks. Not to mention there are giant machines made of metal and glass moving around all over the place on this concrete or asphalt and these machines are filled with gasoline! How dangerous is that?! Well guess what. That's an exact description of any road in the world. At least at a construction site, trained professionals, people who know what the fuck they’re doing, operate the giant machines. You play in a residential street and you've got machines piloted by amateurs. These amateurs are talking on cell phones, changing CDs, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes (often all at the same time) while piloting these ton-and-a-half hunks of gasoline-filled metal and glass around the very place where you let your kids play...on hard asphalt covered with sharp rocks. The hard asphalt's sole purpose, by the way, is to direct and accommodate these dangerous, shoddily piloted machines. Cars are supposed to be in the road. Children are not.
Yeah I went off on a tangent there, but those signs just reminded me of another reason why humans are so stupid. You have to go through a thorough training program and ace a test to get a license to operate a crane or a bulldozer. Plus, at most jobs, you have to be at least eighteen to operate a piece of heavy equipment like a forklift. But they'll just hand out a license to anyone who can wing it behind the wheel of a car and who's over sixteen. Let me tell you, sixteen is the age when most teenagers start to realize that they are right and their parents are wrong about everything and so learn the American pastime of drinking alcohol. I'm sure you all know where this leads. Humans are stupid.
Oh that reminds me of another crazy thing we've come up with. I should save this for another day, but I have to do it now. Has everyone heard about the epidemic of shark attacks recently? Apparently, a few people at beaches have been injured or killed by sharks. So, what do we wacky humans do? We came up with shark repellant! No, that's not a joke. I know it sounds like one, but it's for real. Sharks will stay away from an area where they can smell a dead shark. Scientists have isolated the component of the scent of dead sharks that will deter live sharks. It is hoped that a commercial shark repellant will hit the market by summer next year.
IT'S NOT OURS!! THE OCEAN IS NOT OURS!! The last time I checked, humans live on land! Okay, we like to play in the water every now and then, but we have to realize THERE ARE SHARKS IN THE WATER!! Making a commercially available shark repellant is like blaming a driver for the death of a kid who ran out in the middle of the street. If you don't want to get hit by a car, stay out of the road. If you don't want to get attacked by a shark, stay out of the ocean! THAT'S WHERE THE SHARKS ARE!!
I just heard this story a while ago...I don't know if anyone heard about this, it wasn't in the news or anything...but there was this little amphibian-like species (can't think of the name) that usually lived in the ocean and it breathed oxygen through the water. Then, all of a sudden, one of them jumped up onto the land and started breathing oxygen through the air. This was about 3 billion years ago or so. Since then, we have developed things like boats, bridges, cities on land masses, lungs...all so we can stay out of the water. Do you know why those little amphibian creatures came out of the water in the first place all those billions of years ago? BECAUSE THERE WERE SHARKS IN THE WATER!! Too many sharks were eating them, so they came onto the land to get away from them. No other animal in the world goes into the ocean for fun, not with the frequency and pompous attitude of humans. It took nature 3 billion years to come up with an animal dumb enough to go back into the ocean. Humans are stupid. I rest my case.
posted by Aspiring Atman at 17:16
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