MY GOD, I LOVE EVERYTHING

Since my last post, some shit has gone down that has made me question my karmic place in the Universe. Last week, I did some things that made me feel very good. But after posting my blog, I heard from someone who did not approve of certain parts of my life. I began to believe that I was not the good person I thought I was. I started to feel, the more I talked to this person, that I was losing ground as a human. I was angry with the situation and angry with myself. On one hand, I wanted to tell this person to just hate me and be done with it. But I thought that that would knock down all the positive things I had already done. I was confused and apprehensive about how to continue. I have since spoken to a few other people who have told me that I'm okay. They have told me that I am not an asshole and that I am still a good person. I thank you all for this support. But what made me fully realize my place again was a message from my lover (no, not Clive Barker...I wish).

My love holds me when I am unhappy. She bares her beauty to me on a daily basis, I think sometimes, just to cheer me up. She embraces me always in life and in my mind. She knows what I am thinking and tells me it's going to be all right. She tells me in her own special way that she loves me, whether she knows it or not. And I tell her always that I love only her.

I was sitting outside with her this evening, adoring every angle of her beautiful face, and wondered to myself, "Am I good?" It was slightly hot outside this evening. Not stifling, but not exactly comfortably cool either. She blew onto my face. She had a breath that rocked the trees in the yard and made the the windchimes sound. It hit my upturned face and made me comfortable. She had answered me in one of the subtle ways that only she knows how. Thank you, baby. I love you.