ANN COULTER, AT ONE POINT, HAD A PENIS

I grew up in the nineties. A good part of my early formative years took place in the Clintonian Era of American history; a rich and wonderful time full of progress and, for the most part, peace. Maybe it was because I was young and naïve to the world of politics back then, but I don’t remember people being so hateful and abrasive in the nineties.

In the morning, on the way to work every Monday through Friday, I flip between a few different radio stations. The two that play predominantly in my car are 97.1 FM (the local Fox News affiliate) and 90.7 FM (National Public Radio). Without switching to the AM dial, you can’t find two more antipodal mindsets on talk or news radio in St. Louis, Missouri. I usually end up listening more to 97.1. Not because I agree more, mind. I guess I just like to frustrate myself.

On NPR, I hear them go back and correct themselves regularly. If they report the news incorrectly, they come back at the end of the week and apologize. If they report in a way that a listener heard as “biased”, they let everyone else know it. They report, and we honestly decide. Fox News is a different story.

Fox matter-of-factly declares that their news is “Fair and Balanced”. I do not doubt that the news itself is fair and balanced. The problem I have with that statement is that the same radio station that broadcasts fair and balanced news brackets said news with shows featuring self-proclaimed right-wing pundits (most of which are rather right-wing tools). When news of the Israel-Lebanon conflict is reported, we are then to decide. We are presented with the facts and we are to form our own opinion on the subject. This is difficult to do using Fox News reports. Right after news is reported, it’s back to the Sean Hannity show. Hannity will then pick at the story, usually making sure to mention another news outlet’s (CNN, CBS, or NBC) biased coverage of it, and find the inevitable leftist conspiracy. When it isn’t a left-wing bias in the media coverage of the event, it has something to do with blaming Democrats for being soft on terrorists. On shows like Sean Hannity’s, The O’Reilly Factor, and Allman & Smash In The Morning, these pundits’ banter usually devolves into calling Democrats and those against the war anti-American or blaming Bill Clinton for the current terrorist threat (yet Reagan single-handedly won the Cold War).

This morning, I heard something that is typical of right-wing hatemongers… sorry, pundits… Jamie Allman (of Allman & Smash In The Morning) will almost always turn something that some left-leaning comedian says and turn it into the hatred of America and the love of terrorism. Jon Stewart is regularly accused of propagating the leftist agenda, even from his place on Comedy Central. Last night, David Letterman interviewed Democratic House candidate Nancy Polosi. Mr. Allman apparently thought that the interview was biased. If Letterman had interviewed a Republican like Dick Cheney, he wouldn’t have “gone so easy” on him. Dave brought up a supposed “left wing talking point” about how the “War” On Terror actually makes more terrorists. Jamie Allman let him have it this morning. While he didn’t come right out and call names, he did what many right-wing hatemongers do; he compared. This clears the pundit of blame in calling names while still getting the point across that the person in question is an anti-American freedom-hater. He said that the “talking point” of the “War” On Terror making more terrorists was not only a leftist talking point, but one of Islamic jihadists.

Once would have been enough, but he repeated the comparison a number of times in a row, using David Letterman’s name, the term “leftist”, and the term “Islamic jihadist” multiple times in the same sentences. Note that I did not say that Jamie Allman called David Letterman an Islamic jihadist. He did say that David Letterman’s opinions about the “war” were the same as those of Islamic jihadists.

This is how Fox News runs its business everyday. I think that the left needs to embrace this kind of behavior. If we never came out and said that Dubya is a bad president, we could not be as easily criticized for calling names and promoting the “leftist agenda”, since we are only “speculating” or “extrapolating” (otherwise known as “lying” and “distorting facts”, something the right does on a regular basis).

For example: Ann Coulter, at one point, had a penis.

This is not necessarily untrue. If Ann Coulter has ever had sex with a man, she technically, at one point, “had” a penis. You just leave that explanation part out. You just say that Ann Coulter, at one point, had a penis.

Using the same logic, I could say anything about anyone. Sean Hannity eats cock (has he even eaten a chicken dinner?). Bill O’Reilly has frequently had the semen of a young boy on his hands (technically, if he ever masturbated as a boy and gotten semen on his hands…). George W. Bush is a terrorist (okay, that one is just true). It’s all about relativity and distortion of truths. Create your own facts. Have fun. Call the right-wing pundits what they really are. Hatemongers.

This blog was not intended to be this long, but when someone compares David Letterman to a terrorist, it bothers me a bit. This was originally going to be a blog about my birthday and how MySpace did not send out an announcement to my friend list or put the little birthday notice on my profile. Only a few people called or sent messages saying “happy birthday” to me today. I thank everyone who did that. To everyone else, don’t worry. There was no way for you to know. I hope to see you all at my shindig at Dave & Buster’s next weekend.